Why I Gave up on Writing, and What Brought me Back

I have detailed some of the insights from my early days as a writer in other blogs, but in this one, I wanted to go a little more into a turning point in my life as a writer that happened in 2023, only three years ago from the date of this blog's writing. You first need to understand that writing was not just a hobby or even a passing obsession; it was how I identified as a functioning citizen and as a soul. I knew I could not exist without writing, and I planned to make money doing it at some point.

But as a teacher for over 17 years, I did not have as much time or energy as I had hoped or planned to allow myself to grow as a writer. And for some reason, I thought that one day the perfect book idea would just pop into my head and then drop, chapter by chapter, from my mind onto my computer; then—voila!—the perfect agent would materialize out of thin air who would, after little effort, find a publisher eager to offer me a book deal. I was naive, both in my understanding of the writing trade and in my maturity as a writer, and none of that ridiculous imagining came true. Instead, I wrote here and there over the years, going through periods where I wrote consistently and long periods where I wrote little to nothing.

I never stopped talking about writing with my current co-publisher and best friend, though we have lived apart, separated by a couple thousand miles or more, for most of our adult lives after college. We continued to motivate each other in our phone calls and emails, talk about our current projects, and discuss the writing industry, but I got to the point of desperation. I was all talk and little more than a few stories and many false starts of novels. I needed a boost and a structured pathway to become more productive. That pathway was joining an online MFA program. But a Master of Fine Arts in creative writing is not the same thing as living and breathing as a writer day in and day out, struggling with a manuscript until it is polished, and then pushing it until somebody gives you feedback on it.

Ironically, it was after my MFA that I became truly disillusioned about writing. And I kind of gave up. I decided that, for all intents and purposes, my ship had sailed. For a moment, I felt peace. I no longer had to struggle with the existential concern that I was not fulfilling a lifelong dream. It was over and I could move on.

And this was a logical conclusion when I thought about it. After all, I had tried to write books, scripts, short stories, plays, and poetry for decades, had mailed stories to literary magazines only to get rejected, and had spent a lot of money and time on a master's degree that also resulted in zero traction. Besides, my time as a teacher, husband, and father was hard enough to balance. I had literally no time in my regular day to commit enough time to writing to actually complete things. I only had debt and unfinished writing projects to show for all my efforts.

Then one day, my co-publisher and I realized that everybody and their uncle was doing a podcast, and not only that, but suddenly everybody was also writing a book and self-publishing it through Amazon KDP and other new self-publishing platforms. And before we knew it, as we were literally having weekly conversations about starting a podcast about writing, the first real iterations of AI came out, and people were suddenly using AI to write books! This was a lot to process. And somehow, somewhere out of the ashes of my own defeats, came the inspiration to pick up the plow and try carving out a writing career again.

My co-publisher has been a far more productive writer over the years, has completed multiple manuscripts, and is not ADD like me. However, he had not made any inroads with the publishing industry either. So we decided to talk weekly in the form of a podcast about all these different topics to motivate ourselves as writers, to learn more about the writing industry, and to create awareness of ourselves as content creators—because that's how indie publishers were marketing their names. Plus, we really wanted to break into the publishing industry, so why not record the conversations we were having anyway?

One of the things that came out of this podcast was the idea for a book on writing. It wasn't exactly a gimmick for our show, but we made it one of the goals we referenced in our podcast and that we would discuss our journey writing it. Academically speaking, we were both qualified as English majors and experienced writers to write a book about writing. Speaking for myself as both an MFA graduate and an English teacher, I could talk about stories and how to structure them all day long, but the challenge that I faced as a writer (which became the subject of the book) was lacking a system and a process that would make me a productive writer and result in completed manuscripts.

Consequently, I created a practical-minded guide founded on micro habits and storytelling techniques that resulted in Manifest Your Story in 21 Days. It is important to note here that the book is a better representation of my vision than my co-author's. The book-writing timeframe was complicated for him at the time, and I basically hijacked the project once I found a specific formula that worked for me—and that I hoped would work for readers. Besides, my co-author's approach to the writing process is far more cerebral and philosophical than my own and cannot be boiled down to a simple formula. (I hope he pulls back the veil on his process in the form of a book one day!) But the book we did end up self-publishing helped me solve a critical problem in my life as a writer at that point: never completing a manuscript. My problem all along was establishing a routine long enough to act like a writer. The book, available for free to anyone who fills out the form in the description, presents a daily guide to change your habits and then to translate your idea into a coherent story. The book covers all the bases in terms of storytelling, characters, and themes. Proof that the book works? It resulted in the book itself—my first completed manuscript!

The next phase of my new life as a writer was co-authoring a historical western novel with my father—also available for sale online (under a different pen name). I continued on by publishing my father-in-law's book and then my little novelette called Regret, which I have discussed in other blogs. And now, finally, I have the discipline and confidence to take the next step as a writer: seeking a book deal with a traditional publishing house.

Here is the point I am trying to make in this blog: I used to think I would be a famous writer by 30, then I completely gave up on writing in my 40s, only to resurrect that dream as I approached 50 in the form of self-publishing. As a result, I have self-published multiple books that I have either written, co-authored, or edited and published for other people.

But in our world of AI writing and KDP dumping, what does that even mean? Anyone can self-publish. Anyone can use Claude or ChatGPT to 'write' a book (for money alone). I have not even cracked the code of self-publishing success. But I am instead pivoting to do the one thing that my friend and I planned to do since high school. This blog is here to give me the chance to document my experience of taking my new habits, confidence, and knowledge of both writing and publishing and turn them into a career as a published writer.

And maybe inspire you along the way.